my first blog

oh god i'm a horrible person. i am insanely envious of one of my best friends. she is so sweet and so nice and i am wishing that the wonderful things happening in her life be taken from her and given to me. well now i've got your attention, i'll explain...

i'm on the verge of being sacked from my job at an evil big four accounting firm. she has just been selected to go and take part in a conference in philadelphia which will culminate in spending a weekend in new york. i have not had a boyfriend in over a year. she is currently in birmingham with this fairly fit bloke that she met when we went there last weekend.

i really really hate myself for this but i hate her for it all! almost enough to ruin it. so, if you know somebody in birmingham with a boyfriend called john who works for woolworths, has a shaved head and is 32 then tell her that he's currently out (or back home) shagging an accountant from down south.

hey don't judge me! statistically speaking, if you look at the number of readers i've had, the number of locations this site covers, the number of people called john in birmingham and the likelihood that he was telling the truth about where he works (ooh - actually scrap that, noone's going to pretend they work at woolies when they're on the pull, unless they're using access to the pick n mix as a deal clincher) then all i'm really doing is sending it out to the universe and letting them deal with it.

after all he does have a girlfriend. and she knows how i feel about that - no attached men, number one rule. even it weren't for the whole thing that it makes you a skanky ho to mess with someone else's boyfriend/husband (that's especially you, irish tax secretary who has pulled two married partners at work dos in the past year!) but also there's got to be a bit of self-preservation. messing around like that can result in the following:

1. a black eye and a cliched "keep your hands off my man!" moment. (tip - if you find your other half cheating, do not use this line. you will come to regret it, i'm sure)

2. picture this: hot guy leaves girlfriend for first sexy young thing he sees wiggling her hips on the dancefloor... guy leaves sexy young thing for woman who has just joined his workplace... guy leaves colleague for edie britt type character next door. an amusing montage i'm sure, with shirley bassey bellowing "just a little bit of history repeating" in the background.

of course there are exceptions. if you had your eye on him first and some strumpet comes along, beds him and proceeds to tell the entire workplace just how much he's out of proportion with his 6ft4" frame, she absolutely has it coming! (hi to tracey at h** &c**** by the way!)

well sorry if i'm starting to sound a bit like a big brother contestant with my ranting and bitching but unfortunately, there's nobody to talk back to here... and that is an invitation! if you'd like me to stop whining, or if you think there is a topic on which i might not have an opinion, come and challenge me!

oh and ciara honey, you deserve the best, x

my mother has this exceptional ability to tell when i'm bunking off, even when she's in another country. actually, i only ever bunk off when she's in another country, but that's beside the point.

all of the evidence she has is circumstancial. i told ellie to "come home" - as it happened, i told her this on wednesday night, at a time when i was home. also, it's my home too; why would i tell someone to "go home" to my home?

also, telling ellie to come home at all is evidence, even though, again, it happened the night before when i hadn't even decided to take the day off!

ellie and i spent half of yesterday checking the house for hidden cameras but to no avail!

i'm so excited about tomorrow actually. going out for spanish food, to see girls aloud and then on to the works clubbing! just really really hope ellie's i.d. is accepted without any trouble!

also awaiting some kind of confrontation from the parents re my skiving, so will suddenly find myself busy all weekend long (might even invite phil back to watch tv!) so as not to be alone with them at any time!

i figured the best thing is to head over to the library and study as much as possible - alternatively use the free internet facilities (do they have those in darkest wiltshire?) and write write write! apparently some professors use blogs to document their research; maybe i could use it to document my revision? that might actually turn out to be more boring to read about than my life!

have discovered another new direction for my highly addictive personality - sudoku. apparently i'm like a year late catching on but it is absolutely obsession-causing. and thankfull it's got me through a boring week (well, four days anyway) of college. anything's got to be better than costing and net present values. but keep tuning in if you want my insights into ACCA 2.4 - how and why?

going to spend some qt with lil sis now, before the parents get back and i have to start the big hide! just need to leave the house early, get my hair done, not get back til ciara's arrived and then head on up to birmingham! it'll take some skilful coordination but hey i'm up for a challenge!

wish me luck!!

day off sick. didn't wake up properly until 7:45 and i couldn't face going in late for the fourth time this week.

ellie's coming home due to yesterday's french and treadmill incidents. thank god no norma today though, i just can't lie to that woman. she'd ask me why i wasn't at work and i'd have this perfectly constructed excuse and i'd just say "i called in sick cos i couldn't get out of bed."

not being able to get out of bed would be considered a huge thing in some families. in the shared house i lived in, i remember kate telling anna that anna couldn't really be depressed because she could still get out of bed in the morning. well guys, i'm not really sure if it's the fear of another day or the fear of getting sacked (and my dad finding out) that creates this lump in my stomach that keeps me hidden under the covers.

oh my god i'm a whinger aren't i? more positively, i'm anticipating a girly afternoon today. we'll sit down and pretend to revise and watch rubbish on tv like pimp my ride and newlyweds.

well i kinda slowed to a halt there... writer's block on day 2. but i'll be back

i collect diaries. well, not intentionally, and probably not even diaries in particular, but there are so many beautiful/functional/over-priced/antique notebooks lying around my rooms, it's getting ridiculous. each has a few over-dramatic days documented and then maybe what i ate on some random day three years later. or what i'm going to do to fix my money problems.

so anyway, i guess one of my favourites is the funny old book mark and i bought on a market in paris. the idea was that we would paste all our photos and memorabilia from the trip onto the pages, but we forgot about it for about a year, and then split up.

most recently (still empty) a lovely one from mulberry - thought mum was being thoughtful, in reality she has a stash of "presents for last-minute birthdays/christmas." so, as dad was the one who bought the sat nav, and ellie chose the jewellery, i take it she's still not over the whole 72 hour labour thing, 23 years on.

i know, i'm being childish. but i'm feeling childish at the moment, ok? it's sad enough to be still living at home (see above for money problems) but when they keep swanning off to spain it gets kind of lonely. and since the fight with two of my schoolfriends, my entire social life seems to be in different counties. alright for this weekend (yay birmingham - old haunts!) but in the week, it's kind of just me and my sky plus. but hey, isn't home and away getting dark???

so today i managed to learn... absolutely nothing. other than the fact that boys look bad in powder blue hoodies. i slept half the morning and played suduko in the independent all afternoon. i actually suck at that. but i'm learning - powder blue boy is teaching me. and powder blue is better than white with a matching baseball cap. and besides, emma said that wardrobes can be altered. i guess i'm just too lazy for that. and could i ever really find a man who accepts my bad australian soap obsession (i'll keep the gilmore girls a secret, there has to be some mystery) as easily as my dad accepted mum's eastenders/corrie obsession? i doubt it.

i'm worried ellie's gcse's are messing her up a bit. she texted me today to say that she'd be coming home for the rest of the week because she had fallen asleep in her french exam and also on the treadmill. now exams i can understand (i slept through my latin gcse - exhausting water fight beforehand) but how on earth do you fall asleep on a treadmill? you know what, i think the no crisps, sweets, chocolate, fizzy drinks diet has finally hit her. especially as saturday was her birthday, i.e. day off. the diet coke and chicken and thyme sensations flowed like... um... wine? unlike the wine, which she still doesn't think that much of. sometimes i miss the days of alcohol that tasted like panda pops, your tongue was a whole lot less hairy in the morning.

anyway, signing off on my first day, and hoping this doesn't go the way of all the other diaries

night, x